The Gift of the Magi

Tonight I had the honor of procuring Christmas treasures, disguised as toys, for a toy drive that my place of employment is involved in. I had cash in hand, a budget and a game plan.

My first stop was the Disney store where I picked out four plush animals; Dumbo, Donald Duck, Pooh (of course) and an Alligator guy from the Frog Princess. I also was able to get two die cast metal characters from the Cars movie. The last of the goodies was a bucket of good old fashioned American Army Guys.

After that, I went to Wal-Mart. I found the mother lode for sure. I got enough toys to deplete the budget and fill Santa's pack!

Lego's and Star Wars, Webkins and dollys, Hot Wheels and puzzles, Playdoh and Barbie. An orange recorder, Candyland too...It was entirely too much fun!

So I am in the checkout line and I am watching the tab rise, higher and higher, like the Christmas Star and I had to interrupt my checker, as I drew nearer to zero dollars.

There were about six toys left on the conveyor and Peg, the cashier, asked me if I would like to trade any of the ones left, for any of the ones she  had already scanned (very thoughtful question).

I told her that they were for a toy drive and that I really just wanted to make sure I had a nice assortment of boys and girls toys. She said to me,  "All of these are for kids who have no toys?". When I said yes, she told me she had money of her own, in her pocket, that she wanted to donate. Before I could protest, she started scanning the remaining six toys. The total of the almost forgotten toys, $12.37. The value of that sweet gift ... priceless! 

So yes Virginia, the spirit of Christmas is alive and well in a woman named Peg, who's generosity on this particular December night, made my heart grow two sizes larger!  I hugged her as I left, thanked her.

I knew that Peg's heart had also swelled.  I am certain of it because I heard her exclaim as I left from her sight, that she tries to do things that HE might. I am pretty sure she was talking about 8 lb 6 oz baby Jesus and not Santa Claus. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Notes on Love

I do not have any special qualifications that make me an expert on the subject of love except that I have loved.  What I have learned about love is that we all want to be understood and validated. We want our partners to be accountable for their actions and lastly, we want to feel needed. There is no great secret to love. Within the following pages, I hope you will discover something you never knew, remember something you once knew, and realize that you have the tools you need to be a successful partner in a relationship.

Know that love is not perfect. When you open yourselves up to the possibility of loving someone, there is a chance you will get hurt.  There is a chance you will do the hurting. There is a chance you will feel amazing. There is a chance you will amaze! You need to believe in yourself and open your heart!

Honesty is an important part of a relationship. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you expect to be honest with anyone else? It starts with you.  If you are playing with all of your cards showing, there can be no surprises.  Truth can often be elusive and tricky and over time, your personal truth might change.  

Being honest is a difficult discipline as it requires you to be truthful with yourself as well. Sometimes, we find it hardest to be honest with ourselves and will often forgo honesty to spare the feelings of someone we care about. There has to be a middle ground somewhere.  There is a way to honestly express your feelings, without hurting someone else.

Listening is something I think that we all take for granted. We are asked to listen to things from a very young age.  We are made to listen to things as children and this may be one reason why we fight it as adults. We listen to things for enjoyment, like music, television and our friends in conversations, without hesitation. We rarely listen to each other, when it matters. We get so caught up in the day to day stuff that litters our lives that we let it muffle important messages and signals coming from those who are closest to us. Open your ears.

If someone tells you they love you, listen. It takes a lot of courage to admit to someone how you feel. If you are hearing I love you, know that the person baring their soul is very vulnerable at that moment. They are expressing to you, their truth: raw emotion, from the heart.  They are saying, I am here before you, naked.

Naked and bare I stand before you

Raw and pink and new

Open my heart and

Offer myself to you

I am a canvas, carved and shaped in different ways

Lined and dented, rough on edges, from years of play

Underlying art beneath, hidden away and kept

From babe at birth to lovely woman revealed,

A breath escapes and heaves my breast

Trembling at the touch

Never have I feared any feeling this much.

Heart races as it pounds your name

Embracing this, our clever game

Hormones raging, eyes engaging

Always new, constantly safe and ever, ever changing

Suffering on Purpose?

Even though it is our heart's wish to be free of suffering, sometimes we are most comfortable in our pain.

A friend of mine recently relayed a story to me from the Old Testament, where a prophet marries a prostitute and though he offers her freedom from her duties as a prostitute, where she is degraded and treated poorly, she chooses time and again to return to the degradation because it is where she is most comfortable.

You will have to forgive me for my rudimentary take on this tale. What I gathered, is that often we will do things we know will make others unhappy, and puts our own selves in a precarious predicament, purely for the fact that it is familiar; we know the most likely of outcomes and we know we can handle whatever curve balls come our way, as we have danced this number before.

Our spirits are not extinguishable. They are the life light that burns in our core and gives us our fire and breath that allows us to live. We can find ourselves lost, at times, and unable to distinguish a good choice from a bad one. We may realize, eventually that we have made certain life choices out of habit.

This does not make those around us feel better with the minute exception of the distinction that they are not crazy when they feel like they have been here before. Love is a funny thing and can burst forth like a shield, to form a protective barrier around us when we are in need. If you are facing diversity, within or around your own life, remember that things are not always what they seem.

If any of this sounds like exactly the nastiness that has plucked up in your life, at the moment, it very well may help you to know, you are not in this alone. I am by your side, armed to the teeth, fighting the proverbial good fight.

Have You Ever...had one of those lives????

Do you ever wish for an end in sight?

For every made-wrong thing to be set right?

And do you remember the next day

The things which kept you up at night?

Have you felt the fear of saying goodbye?

In your head, hoping it’s all a lie

Feeling so spent, like you could not try

Simply      ONE      MORE      TIME?

Your heart fragmented, shaken deep

Gaining weight and losing sleep

Eyes cried out raw and red

Never wanting to get out of bed

When you think of the future

Is the picture clear?

Can you see it the same as my view from here?

Have you ever felt the cold wind blow

And known its bone-splitting chill?

Have you had your ears assaulted

With promises fashioned of swill?

 And realize your former strapping will

Is       ALL      USED       UP?

Anticipation of failure close at hand

Free falling, not knowing where you’ll   land

Have you ever felt like you’re running through sand?

Then you are     JUST     LIKE        ME.

The Empty Chair

If we have experienced loss, we carry that with us daily. It becomes part of our breath and as each day passes, the strain is a little less and our heavy hearts grow a bit lighter. During the holidays, however, our lost loved ones occupy the space at the forefront of our beings. They pop up there, with their warm smiles and memories of contagious laughter. They sit there, as a reminder of the love they had for us and the unique connection we shared.

People maintain different theories and beliefs about what happens to us, once we leave this earthly body. Some say we become part of the earth and creation; while others are sure we will return, to complete our unfinished work. Whatever your understanding is, I think that we can all agree that the energy of a person who has passed, a person who we spent a lifetime loving, still remains with us, long after the physical body is gone.

Love's energy is enormous and has no end. It can fill many spaces and is always with us. As we prepare for holiday festivities and find our hearts heavy anew, processing loss once more, wishing for one more embrace, one more glimpse of our dearly departed...

Breathe and remember that the empty chair at your table,  is not at all empty, rather it contains a vast energy that will never be gone. That kind of love is too grand to dissipate. Our hearts are capable of so much and hold close the memories of times before, cherish family and friends, and intrinsically know, we are never alone.

A Season for Miracles

This is the time to dig deep into ourselves and give from the very space that giving was created; our hearts.

A season of thanks is upon us. We all can have something to be thankful for. Some are thankful for food on their tables so that their family and loved ones do not have to go to sleep hungry. Some are happy to have jobs in these uncertain economic times. Others are grateful to have a solid, stable roof over their heads and warm beds to support sweet dreams while they slumber. Thanks are felt towards family members who are there when needed and on standby always. Thanks are offered up to pets who love unconditionally; who sleep on our feet at night and wait by the door, excited for us to come home whether we have been gone five minutes or a week!

We are thankful for troops everywhere, who give us protection without second thought. We thank teachers and mentors and gurus and yogis for unwavering support in our endeavors of self development and growth. We thank our bosses and colleagues, with whom we spend many hours a day, days on end, each year. We give thanks to our children, nieces and nephews, who keep us young at heart. We appreciate kind words when we hear them and try our best to remember to speak them daily. We learn from experience and gain knowledge by watching the goodness that goes on in the world around us.

The miracle that happens each day, is that despite the dark times that plague our society...evil doers, meanness, and acts of hate, despite all of these harsh things, we still feel love and see goodness in people. We still reach a helping hand out when our hands are already full. We dig deep in our coin purse to give our last nickel  to one we know whose need is greater than our own. We allow negative talk to be muffled and let in only sweet words that compliment and raise us higher. We open our ears and hearts and embrace others into our lives. In doing such things, we create community and friendships where before we were separate and strangers.

Miracles are often not as rare as we think, we only have to start recognizing that miracles often masquerade as small kindnesses and they are all around us! I give thanks to you all for the miracles in my life, which you are responsible.

Dia De Los Muertos

A poem about dem bones...

Henry and Lotte haven't their bodies

Simply bare boned are they.

Brittle and White, a frightening sight

With no beating heart, Til Death do us part

Together forever in bliss

Chantilly lace veil, mothers' before her have worn

With hauntingly sweet, deep set sockets

His top hat is dusty , he shuffles his feet

Nervous, hands shoved in  his pockets
In their fanciest dress clothes set to party with zest
Arm linked with arm, they walked the aisle
That would forever seal their fate
How exactly they died, this groom and his bride

Is a mystery we may never know

What, though, is clear and what we see here

Is the bond that secures their union

Eternally joined in true love they've sworn

Echoing faint and gentle sounds of laughter

A hollow eyed gent walks next to his lady

Mischievous and not short of shady

But kind and giving, though just a bit living

These bones, dem old rattly bones

Have found they have Vida, in spite of being muerto

And do not have to fly solo here-after...