How do you measure a year in life?
A wonderful song boasts love is how you measure the 525,600 minutes of one year. This is a sentiment that I could get on board with and were I to measure my last year in love, I would feel most rich! This has been a doozy of a year!
I started my year out with four people whom I love greatly; Jose, Katrina, Isabella and Sara Jane Bacallao. I accompanied them to the 121st Rose Bowl Parade! It was amazing to be so close to the floral creations! It brought back many happy memories of visiting the floats the day after the parade,as a young girl. The remainder of the day was spent in Hermosa beach telling stories, beading, walking stick hunting and appetizers at the beach during an unbelievable sunset. It was an auspicious start to what would prove to be a challenging year!
The ensuing months were filled with twists and turns, highs and lows and many surprises. I was gifted with countless blessings this year. I am grateful for each lesson I received and not one of them went unnoticed. I reconnected with old friends, met new friends, was able to travel, worked on some writings, painted, read numerous books, saw some brilliant films, had gorgeous tattoo work, did loads of baking, held onto my job, managed to not strangle my husband, reduced, reused and recycled, attended gatherings, had an art show, maintained my health (mental and physical), saw Mars with my naked eye, watched dolphins playing in the Pacific, went apple pickin', finally visited Graceland (breathtaking), started adult literacy tutoring, exercised my right to philanthropy and got to see friends and family throughout the year.
On the downside, this year held much heartache. I lost several people in my life including friends and family members. I tried to remember that the folks who passed had each lived their lives as they were intended. My sweet, boisterous, fiery friend Kelly left behind a precious daughter and her legacy will live on in her. My mother-in-law, Barbara is no longer in pain and her two children, my husband and his sister, found comfort in each other, after years of no communication. My friend Clark was ready to leave this physical world but that did not make it any easier to say goodbye. I do feel blessed, however, that I did have that chance. I will never forget his kind ways and will always think of his courage in my conversations about Cancer. Lucy, Hannah, Jack and Bailey were all dogs who had touched my life and will be sorely missed and fondly remembered. A few dear friends lost beloved family members this year. I was thankful to be able to be a support for them and appreciate them carrying me in my pain, as well.
The thing that all of the events that took place in my life this year, had in common, were photographs. It was what most defined my year. I photographed people, places, artwork, animals, rocks, shells, smiles, tears, bears, giraffes, children, Elvis, glass, shoes, musicians, flowers, houses, trees, clouds, sunsets, sunrises, tattoos, holidays, cars and whatever else caught my eye. I shot 8001 good photos this year!
So no matter the way you measure your year, make it count. If you measure your time gone by in a way that means something to you, then the year you are measuring will also hold great significance. By photographing my year, I am able to look back on it with pride and say that though it had its trials and tribulations, heartache and worry, I have a little piece of memory frozen in time and the pictures remind me that sometimes you see the light in the strangest of places, if you look at it right!
I plan on ending this year in the quiet solitude of my home. I will reflect upon all that 2010 has taught me and I will try not to cheer as it slips out with a fade to black!
I welcome 2011 as two thousand wonderful and greet it with open heart and arms! Bring it on!
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Gift of the Magi
Tonight I had the honor of procuring Christmas treasures, disguised as toys, for a toy drive that my place of employment is involved in. I had cash in hand, a budget and a game plan.
My first stop was the Disney store where I picked out four plush animals; Dumbo, Donald Duck, Pooh (of course) and an Alligator guy from the Frog Princess. I also was able to get two die cast metal characters from the Cars movie. The last of the goodies was a bucket of good old fashioned American Army Guys.
After that, I went to Wal-Mart. I found the mother lode for sure. I got enough toys to deplete the budget and fill Santa's pack!
Lego's and Star Wars, Webkins and dollys, Hot Wheels and puzzles, Playdoh and Barbie. An orange recorder, Candyland too...It was entirely too much fun!
So I am in the checkout line and I am watching the tab rise, higher and higher, like the Christmas Star and I had to interrupt my checker, as I drew nearer to zero dollars.
There were about six toys left on the conveyor and Peg, the cashier, asked me if I would like to trade any of the ones left, for any of the ones she had already scanned (very thoughtful question).
I told her that they were for a toy drive and that I really just wanted to make sure I had a nice assortment of boys and girls toys. She said to me, "All of these are for kids who have no toys?". When I said yes, she told me she had money of her own, in her pocket, that she wanted to donate. Before I could protest, she started scanning the remaining six toys. The total of the almost forgotten toys, $12.37. The value of that sweet gift ... priceless!
So yes Virginia, the spirit of Christmas is alive and well in a woman named Peg, who's generosity on this particular December night, made my heart grow two sizes larger! I hugged her as I left, thanked her.
I knew that Peg's heart had also swelled. I am certain of it because I heard her exclaim as I left from her sight, that she tries to do things that HE might. I am pretty sure she was talking about 8 lb 6 oz baby Jesus and not Santa Claus. Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night!
Friday, December 10, 2010
Notes on Love
I do not have any special qualifications that make me an expert on the subject of love except that I have loved. What I have learned about love is that we all want to be understood and validated. We want our partners to be accountable for their actions and lastly, we want to feel needed. There is no great secret to love. Within the following pages, I hope you will discover something you never knew, remember something you once knew, and realize that you have the tools you need to be a successful partner in a relationship.
Know that love is not perfect. When you open yourselves up to the possibility of loving someone, there is a chance you will get hurt. There is a chance you will do the hurting. There is a chance you will feel amazing. There is a chance you will amaze! You need to believe in yourself and open your heart!
Honesty is an important part of a relationship. If you cannot be honest with yourself, how can you expect to be honest with anyone else? It starts with you. If you are playing with all of your cards showing, there can be no surprises. Truth can often be elusive and tricky and over time, your personal truth might change.
Being honest is a difficult discipline as it requires you to be truthful with yourself as well. Sometimes, we find it hardest to be honest with ourselves and will often forgo honesty to spare the feelings of someone we care about. There has to be a middle ground somewhere. There is a way to honestly express your feelings, without hurting someone else.
Listening is something I think that we all take for granted. We are asked to listen to things from a very young age. We are made to listen to things as children and this may be one reason why we fight it as adults. We listen to things for enjoyment, like music, television and our friends in conversations, without hesitation. We rarely listen to each other, when it matters. We get so caught up in the day to day stuff that litters our lives that we let it muffle important messages and signals coming from those who are closest to us. Open your ears.
If someone tells you they love you, listen. It takes a lot of courage to admit to someone how you feel. If you are hearing I love you, know that the person baring their soul is very vulnerable at that moment. They are expressing to you, their truth: raw emotion, from the heart. They are saying, I am here before you, naked. Naked and bare I stand before you
Raw and pink and new
Open my heart and
Offer myself to you
I am a canvas, carved and shaped in different ways
Lined and dented, rough on edges, from years of play
Underlying art beneath, hidden away and kept
From babe at birth to lovely woman revealed,
A breath escapes and heaves my breast
Trembling at the touch
Never have I feared any feeling this much.
Heart races as it pounds your name
Embracing this, our clever game
Hormones raging, eyes engaging
Always new, constantly safe and ever, ever changing
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Suffering on Purpose?
Even though it is our heart's wish to be free of suffering, sometimes we are most comfortable in our pain.
A friend of mine recently relayed a story to me from the Old Testament, where a prophet marries a prostitute and though he offers her freedom from her duties as a prostitute, where she is degraded and treated poorly, she chooses time and again to return to the degradation because it is where she is most comfortable.
You will have to forgive me for my rudimentary take on this tale. What I gathered, is that often we will do things we know will make others unhappy, and puts our own selves in a precarious predicament, purely for the fact that it is familiar; we know the most likely of outcomes and we know we can handle whatever curve balls come our way, as we have danced this number before.
Our spirits are not extinguishable. They are the life light that burns in our core and gives us our fire and breath that allows us to live. We can find ourselves lost, at times, and unable to distinguish a good choice from a bad one. We may realize, eventually that we have made certain life choices out of habit.
This does not make those around us feel better with the minute exception of the distinction that they are not crazy when they feel like they have been here before. Love is a funny thing and can burst forth like a shield, to form a protective barrier around us when we are in need. If you are facing diversity, within or around your own life, remember that things are not always what they seem.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Have You Ever...had one of those lives????
Do you ever wish for an end in sight?
For every made-wrong thing to be set right?
And do you remember the next day
The things which kept you up at night?
Have you felt the fear of saying goodbye?
In your head, hoping it’s all a lie
Feeling so spent, like you could not try
Simply ONE MORE TIME?
Your heart fragmented, shaken deep
Gaining weight and losing sleep
Eyes cried out raw and red
Never wanting to get out of bed
When you think of the future
Is the picture clear?
Can you see it the same as my view from here?
Have you ever felt the cold wind blow
And known its bone-splitting chill?
Have you had your ears assaulted
With promises fashioned of swill?
And realize your former strapping will
Is ALL USED UP?
Anticipation of failure close at hand
Free falling, not knowing where you’ll land
Have you ever felt like you’re running through sand?
Then you are JUST LIKE ME.
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