Happy February has only 28 days...

So as we leave the month set aside to honor love,I am reminded that love is not always pretty! Sometimes love has an ugly side; it is after all,a verb. Love does not just occur, we work to create love.

The following letters are samples I had written, in order to make sense of things for myself when love was showing her other face. Please note that these were written as an exercise only and were not delivered.

Dear Ex:

You were the first boy that I actually called my boyfriend and so that was special. Well we really did not take the time to get to know each other while we were together. I was just a girl and you barely had your adult body hair. What was it about you that made you so attractive to me? I loved your long hair and how you wore it and carried it. I loved your deep voice, as deep a voice as one your age could have.  I loved your friends. I loved sleeping over at your house, in your converted garage. I remember sneaking, in my underwear, to the bathroom hoping not to see your mom, along the way. It is funny that I am remembering that as if it were yesterday I was there.

Memories come at strange times. I do not remember specifics of our relationship or about you really, just that you are a memory of mine, tucked away in my mind. I do recall that you treated me kindly and never were cross.

Dear Ex:

You were, in my eyes, evil incarnate. You were a user of people. You probably still are.

There were two good things to come out of our relationship; I met two of my best friends because of you. You lured me, like a sly fox.

I never loved you but I was curious of why you wanted me to. I realized, when it was too late, and my emotions were already invested, that it was a game you played. I was probably not the first, nor would I be the last. You hurt me and I really liked you and valued you as a friend, until I understood I was never your friend but a conquest.

 Even when your game was won, you kept me close in proximity and tried to reconnect several times.  We had a few friends that were in common but mostly, our friends became my friends and they are still my friends.

Over the years, I have seen you here and there. Though I have changed and aged, as I suppose you have as well, I always see the person who shattered my faith in people for a short time in my life.

looking forward to March! :) 

All My Relations

I wanted to say a bit about mothers.

I am lucky! I know that I am loved by women who are regarded as fierce warriors for their children. I have the honor of having four and two.

My mother Paulette, step-mother Lisa, mother-in-law Barbara (rest in peace xo), step mother-in-law Nancy, with  Cyndi Lamberson and Suzie Sporleder as my alternates!

It is my experience that a mother is a person you can always count on. She will always tell you how it is even when you do not want to hear it.

She will always hold you when you cry and most times will just be silent and you know she understands, she created you after all and is in tune with your inner workings.

She will come up with odd jobs for you to help her with, when you are short on cash. She insists on paying you because she claims she could not have done it without you.

She buys extra at the store and pawns it off on you as if it would bother her to keep too much. She never lets you leave without your arms full of fruit or flowers or something.

She loves you but not your taste in clothes and music. She genuinely enjoys spending time with you and you hope she knows you adore her company. She will look at old pictures with you and marvel at how you gush over her old outfits from when she was a teen. She will never understand texting. She is the last holdout with a home phone and answering machine and no cell phone. She has a sense of humor.

A mother frets when you fret and she celebrates and hoots the first holler for you, when you are happy!

A mother is a life-giver, a life-long friend and an advocate for you always!

Paulette, is having a birthday tomorrow, February 18th. She will be Forty-nineteen and she is beautiful!

She is an entrepreneur, a gardener, a good listener and my loving Mother.

Happy Birthday to you Mom! I love you! xo

All You Need Is Love ???

Love Letters

Exercises that force us to look at ourselves are helpful.  I am thankful that I am an introspective person and I have always tried to be honest with myself. Only a few times in my life has another person asked me to perform a task to look within.  I have never regretted my findings.

A friend was speaking to me about material things and our attachment to them. I was preparing for a move and our discussion of packing turned from material items to important non-physical items I would be taking on my journey.  The things that I found important then, I still hold in my heart as core guidelines to live my life by. What follows are my life requirements, as written on that day, and my “list” of things I take with me wherever I go.

Acceptance: especially of my own self & faults

Self esteem: I will not allow myself to feel inadequate. I will nurture myself.

Respect: for self and others

Pleasure & Joy: I will live to the fullest and celebrate being

Choice: I will allow myself choice and not put limitations on myself

Grace: This is my goal…to live with grace. I wish to become fully in tune with my spirituality.

Compassion: My heart will remain open and will not shut down. I will connect with others & receive lessons thankfully.

Forgiveness: I will not be indebted emotionally. I will not hold onto resentment.

Humor: I will look at the world with a light heart. I will laugh often.

Patience: Change is not easy but I will be patient.

Humility: I will have pride in my accomplishments and I will never turn down a universal lesson.

Gratitude: I am appreciative of where I am in my life and I am grateful for all that I have.

Abundance: I will believe that I will always have everything I need.

Peace: I will focus on the moment at hand and not dwell on the past.

Clarity: I will see clearly. I will pay attention to moments I am not seeing clearly.

Courage: I will be unafraid of changes taking place.

Adventure: I look forward to tomorrow.

I thought you might notice that LOVE does not appear on this list. It is my opinion that, collectively, the items on my list are the very make up of love which should explain its written absence.

L O V e

Love comes in many forms...each one wonderous in its own way. 

I have gotten to experience the blessing of numerous types of love.

In honor of St. Valentine's Day, below are some expressions of LOVe!

Isabella and Penny...LOVE of a best friend


 

Mandie and Bailey...Puppy LOVE

 

Elvis AaronPresley...Iconic LOVE




Becca and Todd...Growing LOVE



First Date...Guarded  LOVE

Sophia and Sara...Mother, daughter LOVE



LOVEs me, LOVEs me not

 

Rod and Meli...LOVE me Tender



Love is in the air...it's all around me.

Images of Love I have found. 

happy heart





for the love of peanut



wild heart



visions of love



love songs



innocent love



love cairn



shadow hearts



1 heart you



edgy love

 

geek love




swinger love




love connection



sappy love

Do love however you do love!

joy for free

Joy is what you might be feeling today, if you are a Packers fan! Joy is something many new parents feel as they gaze upon their little ones for the first time. Joy is seeing your old friends again. Joy is accomplishments. Joy is doing something for yourself. Joy is serving others. Joy is family all around you. Joy is the scent of perfume in the air on a warm summers day. Joy is holding hands. Joy is smiling. Joy is expressing yourself. Joy is tangible. Joy is a way of life. Joy is by design. Joy is allowed. Joy is necessary. Joy is comfortable. Joy is easy. Joy is free. Joy is attainable.

I am holding my breath!

After yesterday's crappy work day (starting to be the norm, unfortunately), I decided that after work today, I was going to garden for therapy.

I had noticed that the weeds were a bit out of control. I came home, changed into my overalls (waits for laughter to subside*) and tennis shoes, attached my ipod, grabbed the garden tools and the green waste trash barrel, and charged the front yard first.

The job was easy and went quickly. I was clipping branches with The Cure and Daughtry and pulling weeds with Alanis. A neighbor strolled by and even complemented me on my Sago Palm, which is flowering.

With the front mostly weed free, I watered and then headed to the back yard. I used my little rake, a Christmas present from my mother, for the first time today. It is pretty nifty; small and fits into tight places. I used the shears to trim and shape plants. I watered with the watering can, as well as the hose. I pulled up dead stuff ( I am not a very skilled gardener) and I imagined what live plant varieties would replace them; for certain it would need to be drought tolerant!

I recycled soil and re-potted some Mother-in-Law's tongue...I think that is what it is called. I checked on my Amaryllis bulb (thank you Kelly and Brady) and fed a banana to my Stag Fern (thank you Pegasus). My gloves were muddy and my mind was starting to release the day's tension when what to my wondering eyes did appear? My husband.

He was all grumpy and worn from his own rough day. His facial expression said a lot more than his voice. He regaled me with tales of firings at work, blood boiling and close-call emotional explosions. He slammed the cabinets and the oven door as he made dinner, before band rehearsal.

He had literally been home for 15 minutes and already my bliss was quelled.

He reminded me that earlier he had disclosed that our shower was having water woes and that he needed my help to conduct some experiments on the faucet. We played plumber for a little bit and it ended badly when I implored him to stop being dramatic!

He was swearing and complaining about the cost to have a professional out to look at the problem. Our plumber had moved out of the area, much to our dismay and we would have to resort to calling in a stranger. I suppose I was just tired of the stress. After all,we own a home so things will come up that we must be prepared to shell out cold hard cash to handle.

Alas, faucet not fixed, husband left upset, and here I sit with heat applied to my tightened shoulders and relaxation is but a distant memory.

I keep telling myself, remember to breathe, something I learned at a VERY young age! Tomorrow is a new day and I have a lot to look forward to this weekend!

Sasha Butterfly my oh my

 
 Number two! Our second and younger cat turns the big OH FIVE tomorrow, on Groundhogs day!


She is an adorably sweet mess of snuggles and love.

I am hoping her birthday is overflowing with toy mice hunts, mini Indy 500's around the house and naps naps and more naps!

Oh Hamburgers! I love her! HBD my butters!